His offer answered all of our concerns about our future children having access to someone who is undeniably important to them to ask questions and have a relationship they could create in the way comfortable for them. He wasn’t a threat as a potential third parent who might try to hone in on our two-parents-only dream he was a respectful, queer-friendly guy who understood that Liz and I would be this child’s only parents. Matt was not an anonymous looming set of what-ifs he was our friend. Time moved in slow motion for a couple seconds as this idea clicked into place in my head. Off the cuff, Matt said that maybe he could help us out instead (provided Tracy was comfortable). Would our kids want to find him? Would they always wonder? Would they see him as a dad? What if he turned out to be a jerk? Worse, what if he wanted to be their dad? The idea of using a donor from a sperm bank was scary, but I had always wanted to experience growing a human inside me and this seemed like the only way. I told him where we were at: that we wanted kids but felt uncomfortable about the idea of having an anonymous biological father out there. Being a uterus-rich and sperm-poor couple, the question was less “when” and more “how.” I don’t remember exactly how it came up, but I imagine I asked Matt that annoying and cliché question (feeling I was close enough to him not to have it count as annoying or cliché) and he asked me back what our plans were. You know how when a couple gets married they immediately get bombarded with nosey, inappropriate questions about when they’re going to have kids? Something about big-step ceremonies triggers people to think about the next big step, I guess. He was hilarious, feminist, kind, responsible, intelligent, and witty. We adored the man she had just committed to in front of the aquarium’s tank of beluga whales. My wife Liz and I still had our teal bridesmaids dresses on, basking in the glow of how special it had been to stand together (weeping) with the friend who had officiated our own wedding two years earlier. ![]() After the reception a bunch of us from the bridal party were hanging out in a hotel room with the couple of honor. It all started at the wedding of this best friend, Tracy, and her brand new husband, Matt.
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